Recently we were blessed with the opportunity to get away for an ENTIRE WEEK, just Henry and I! I knew it would be wonderful to get away, it would be like the honeymoon we never got to take 7 years ago!
Henry’s parents kept our children, and we headed out to northern Wisconsin. I had a whole list of things that I was expecting to do!
- Go to lake Superior, and take the tour of shipwrecks, sea caves, and light houses.
- See the waterfalls.
- Eat at the restaurant that was on one of those Food shows.
- Go canoeing/kayaking.
- Spend as much time as I could in the water!
- Go to Hayward’s candy shop.
- Get dressed up and go out for our Anniversary.
As you can see from the list there were quite a few things that I WANTED to do on MY vacation. I wasn’t thinking about OUR vacation. When we headed out Sunday afternoon, I really had no idea what he wanted to do, but these are the things that I expected to do, though I am not even sure I made him aware that I even had these expectations.
And he carried with him some plans or expectations of his own. He planned to be locked in the cabin for most of the trip, spending time that was a little more on the intimate side than I was planning. He planned to pretty much spend the whole trip dry, not really wanting to get in the water! He had this plan of just taking everyday as it comes and I had this whole itinerary planned.
We had a wonderful 8 hour drive up to the cabin which lead to some realizations! Henry and I have both grown and changed over the last 7 years. We are still very much in love, but somewhere along the way we put getting to know each other on the back burner.
I’m not saying we don’t know each other, but our likes and tastes have changed over the years. Sometimes it felt like we were two ships just passing in the night. Almost as if we were living the same life together but apart. I am by no means saying that we were in a bad place, or anything, we just seemed to be having a little bit of a disconnect. We had a lack of communication, we were reading the same book but we weren’t on the same page.
I learned a lot during our trip. To start I learned that spending one on one time with Henry just being us and talking about whatever comes to mind beats sight seeing any day! I learned that once we were on the same page all the “me” things didn’t matter anymore. I learned that it doesn’t take much to have a good time and while getting dressed up is fun, I can have a great anniversary just spending time with Henry by the water, and vacations are so much better when they are more about us than about one or the other. Henry is quite content just being inside watching the water or sitting on the pier feeding the ducks. I knew he didn’t much care for being in the water but I didn’t realize how much he got out of feeding the ducks. I, on the other hand, love to be IN the water, and while he knows that, he didn’t realize how much joy it brings me!!
When we left that Sunday, we were kind of miffed at each other. We both had these expectations of what our trip would be like, and hadn’t communicated them to each other. Once we were able to talk them out and come up with a planned that worked for both of us, that seemed to fit both of our needs and desires we were much happier!
Our realization about carrying our expectations got me to thinking about what expectations did I have for home? For the kids? In my friendships?
I have been challenging myself to communicate them, to let them be known and listen to the expectations others have! And life has been so much more pleasant!
My challenge for you this week is to think about what expectations you are holding on to in your relationships, have you been open with your spouse/friend/partner/ect about them? Are you finding yourself upset when your expectations are not met but the other party has no idea about why?
Open up and share about your expectations and see if there is also a change for the better in your relationship!